Enough, Jay Cutler!
Cutler has turned into a whiny little girl. He also joins Vince Young and Kurt Warner in the Monkee Cage’s Vagina Hall
of Fame.
Cutler’s crying started when he found out that new coach Josh McDaniels tried to trade him and acquire Patriots
quarterback Matt Cassel. He claims McDaniels lied to him when Cutler asked about the trade rumors. He says
McDaniels said they were false. Cutler finds out otherwise though. Instead of being a man about it, he goes public
and airs out Broncos dirty laundry in the media. He demanded a traded immediately.
Cutler and his agent met with McDaniels and Broncos GM Bill Xander. The goal was to iron out any differences and
air out any problems. Instead of building bridges, Cutler tried to burn them. He came out of the meeting saying that
all trust of McDaniels is gone. He reiterated his calls for a trade and stated he will not attend team meetings the
following Monday.
In keeping with behavior of a true vagina, he stayed true to his word and didn’t attend the meetings.
The “Trade Me” episode is only a part of Cutler’s emerging vaginal characteristics.
Cutler, despite not leading the Broncos to the playoffs yet or setting any meaningful Broncos records, is already on
record as saying he has a stronger arm than Bronco icon John Elway. Being young, brash and cocky is one thing.
Being arrogant and disrespectful to a person in whose huge footsteps you must follow is vaginal behavior.
Cutler had a chance to lead the Broncos to the playoffs in the 2008 season. Like a true vagina, he found a way to
snatch defeat from the mandibles of victory. The Broncos had a three game lead with three games left. All they
needed was one win to clinch the AFC West title. They failed to win a game including a 52-21 shellacking by the San
Diego Chargers.
In true vagina fashion, Cutler is a drama queen. He cries and whines to the media. Instead of moving on, he’s taking
his ball and going home. He is arrogant and cocky even though he’s had no meaningful success in the NFL. To top it
off, when he was in the position to stand up and lead his team to the playoffs, he folded like a true vagina.
Congrats to Cutler for becoming the third vagina in the Monkee Cage’s Vagina Hall of Fame.
Update: In true vagina fashion, Cutler has forced the Denver Broncos hand. They will seek to trade him due to his
vaginal demeanor.
Update 1-10-2010
Jay Cutler continued 2009 as the leading Vagina Hall of Fame member.
Thinking he was greater than the team, Cutler cried when news stories broke that new Broncos head coach was
involved with possible talks in trading Cutler and acquiring Matt Cassell.
An ESPN.com report stated that Cutler was upset about rumors of the trade. To quote the Vagina:
"The [Broncos] deny everything. That's a problem. We know for a fact they tried to trade me."
The problem was that Cutler, like a true Vag, is self important, self centered and thinks he's bigger than the team or
organization. Apparently he also doesn't understand the English language. Like any team, the Broncos look to
improve the team. The Broncos deny they were actively trying to trade the self centered Vagina. They were listening
to teams that approached them. They didn't try to trade Cutler. They listened to offers from other teams but turned
them down. But being self centered and ignorant, Cutler doesn't know the difference.
The Broncos top brass met with Cutler to try and sooth things and reassure Cutler that he is not going to be traded.
Vaginas don't listen to logic. Cutler stated all trust was gone and demanded to be traded...a demand that makes no
sense since he didn't want to be traded in the first place. Confused?
The Broncos decided to trade Cutler not because he was disgruntled but because of Cutler's Vaginal behavior. Pat
Bowlen, the Broncos owner, released a statement saying that Cutler wouldn't return his or head coach Josh
McDaniel's calls. Therefore he concluded Cutler had no desire to continue as a Denver Bronco.
Cutler refused to call his bosses, Bowlen and McDaniels in true vaginal form. As a Vagina, Cutler can't see beyond
his nose. He defiantly ignored his boss...the man who signs his checks.
Tired of his Vagina ways, the Broncos traded Cutler to the Chicago Bears where he continued to be a Vagina.
In true Vagina fashion, Cutler failed to live up to expectations, his trade value or lead his team to the playoffs. He
greatly disappointed the Bears who gave up two first round picks for the Vagina. In spectacular Vaginal display, Cutler
saved his worst games for national TV. On top of it, he offset his 29 touchdown passes with 2 interceptions and 36
sacks.
Congratulations to Jay Cutler for being the Monkee Cage's #1 Vagina.